pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
