Do you still have your period?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
