5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
