He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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