Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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