our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
