She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Drake has all the answers
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
