so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
