I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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