Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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