"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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