He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
