4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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