you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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