so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
