Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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