how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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