he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
