Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
