don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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