If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
