I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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