So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize