yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
