i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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