That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
