your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
