just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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