So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
