we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
