Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
