Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
