I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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