I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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