I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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