WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it because I queefed?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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