My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
