I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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