if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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