Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
