ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
