i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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