if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
