People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
