The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
