I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
