u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
