you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
