I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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