I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
