Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
