It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
